Miscarriage, A silent grief that so many go through alone. A topic not many talk about.
When people ask “When are you having kids” … and you want to say “I’ve already had one but I lost her too early” ….. or you see prams everywhere and think, “That should be me!”, But can’t. So you silently mourn, silently envy those who have uncomplicated pregnancies and wonder when will it be my turn.
The comments like “Don’t worry you’ll have another one”, “It wasn’t a real baby yet” or “It’s so common” …. just compounds your grief as you feel guilty for mourning when people just downplay your loss. To you, your whole world has come crashing down…. your body has failed you.
I lost our first baby and our 3rd one. I was 11 weeks pregnant with my first baby when I fell over a fence in the dark. I landed hard and started bleeding the next day.
I remember going to the Dr and hearing her tell me that there was no heart beat, the umbilical cord had snapped. It was one of those moment you feel like time freezes and you think “This can’t be real!”… You can’t be meaning me! You’ve got my confused with someone else…check again… you sure?!?
The Dr was very matter of fact about it and said that I needed a D&C to remove “the matter”. When they wheeled me in for the procedure, they placed me next to a women in labour and I just thought…. how unfair, how insensitive!
My Jason was away, so I was alone and the only person who was sensitive towards my loss was the anesthetist… I remember him holding my hand and saying – you will have more, I’ll see you in 12 months time and then you will be in labour.
And he was right! 10 months later my Jack was born. I had another miscarriage between my Jack and Jessica but if I hadn’t have had those losses, I wouldn’t have my Jack and Jessi.
Looking back the pain was a huge challenge, I resented anyone who had a baby and all I could see around me was what I didn’t have- a baby!
It did grow my character though and reminded me that our God is in the restoration business…… He will restore the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25) … I lost two babies but then He gave me my twins (Jono & Janey) as my double blessing.
He will never fail you, He knows the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) and He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Keep trusting Him. He has a plan. Keep the Faith, Keep Believing.
If you need pray in this area or any other area, please DM me. I would be honoured to pray for you in your journey. Remember you are not alone 💗